Streets of fear

Disturbing news of a Killarney Crime Wave. This understated report from a pillar of our society, the Manly Daily:

Undoubtedly a Task Force is being assembled right now.

Update it seems that the police presence on our streets has been boosted. Here's the Starkey Street patrol seen today:

We can begin to sleep soundly again.

Local Member Survives Terrorist Attack

Mr Jimmy, a Killarney resident and observer of the political scene, writes..

The Rt Hon Tony Abbott, local MP and close friend of Prince Philip, was recovering in Canberra this morning after a vicious attack apparently instigated by two "wild Westies" from within his own party. In what appears to be a coordinated suicide mission by the backbenchers, the PM was ambushed and threatened with a "spill" once the party had worked out the process. Mr Abbott survived the unprovoked attack and emerged smiling and confident from the party room, surrounded by ecstatic supporters eager to say "nice things" about the Government when journalists call them, as instructed.

Hasta La Vista Baby

A good friend, Arnold Schwarzenneger impersonator and Finance Minister, Sen M Cormann was overheard saying "Say hello to my little friend". It's not clear if he was referring to the PM, although he did say that "Abbott's come from behind before" without being specific about what he was up to at the time.

Guidance From Above

In related news, Senator C Bernardi (Monster Raving Liberal Party) attributed the attack on our Dear Leader to a cabal of unnamed (except for M Turnbull) plotters and called for divine retribution, suggesting Mr Turnbull should be tarred and feathered, or  exiled to Manus Island, or at the very least go quietly. Since Mr Turnbull has pointedly said nothing throughout, he would seem to be doing the latter and as far as Manus is concerned, Mr S Morrison has advised Sen Bernardi that the venue is already overcrowded with blokes who speak funny.

Shortening Odds

Opposition leader Bill Shorten welcomed Mr Abbott's escape from friendly fire. Forget Paul Keating, he quipped, just wait until the next question time - my script writers are bound to have a few terrific one-liners teed up for me by then.

Explosion rocks Killarney Bus

It started as a normal quiet day in our fine suburb. The patrons gripping their Opal cards awaited the morning bus from Killarney that would take them to the city. Little did they know the drama that was about to unfold.

Weaving through the streets was fine, Eastern Valley Way was slow but steady, but on the approach to the Harbour Bridge, there was a loud bang from under the rear of the bus!

There was no choice by this time, with white knuckles the heroic driver gripped the wheel and we barrelled on towards our fate.

Customers looked anxiously at each other, a murmur went around the carriage - was it a tire blowing? we asked each other.

Still the bus travelled on. The rear Opal card readers booted up and crashed - normal operation.

Finally there was a small bay on the right of our lane and the driver, by now a hero in our eyes, pulled over and stood to address the crowd.

"Don't anybody get off or I'll be in big trouble" he muttered. He left the bus, walked slowly around and returned to the front. "A rear tire" he said.

The bus proceeded, a little slower than normal, first to Wynyard and then on to Town Hall where I evacuated - calmly.

I'm sure our driver will be knighted in next year's honours. Everyone was saved.